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ASA NEWSLETTER
 
 
May 1996
Volume 60
Number 5
 
TO THE MEMBERSHIP

Tongue in Cheek

Erwin Lear, M.D.
Editor



The current issue addresses the role of the anesthesiologist as the "perioperative physician." It is quite possible that even the perioperative physician may one day disappear as a new subspecialty, "esoanesthesiology," emerges.

Esoanesthesiology is essentially a computer-driven derivation of current practices. The preoperative patient will have a complete analysis via a departmental intranet. The analysis will expedite necessary clearance medically and financially according to physical status and impending surgery.

The anesthesia machines in the operating rooms will be linked to the departmental computer, which now has programmed each case in each room according to patient status and surgical procedure. A single "esoanesthesiologist" without resident assistance oversees the computer.

At the beginning and at the end of each procedure, there is a short delay while an ancient figure, the clinical anesthesiologist, inserts or removes the endotracheal tube through which a servo-controlled respirator ventilates the patient.

During surgery, intravenous replacement therapy is handled by a modified wheatstone bridge to sample the quality of the fluid lost during surgery and a servo-mechanism for regulating the rate at which replacement is carried out.

Muscle relaxation is provided by the surgeon via a foot-controlled injection system; thus, the nervous foot-tapping surgeon who frequently requires cadaveric relaxation is able to furnish optimal conditions. A second foot switch automatically stands the patient on his or her head for proper exposure during pelvic surgery.

Periodically, a specially designed tape will announce in soothing tones, "Blood pressure 120/80, pulse 72, patient's condition satisfactory."

Electrotissue coagulation techniques provide proper closure of peritoneum, fascia and skin. Thus, the surgical residents and interns are no longer required to spend endless nights laboriously tying square knots to bed posts. They are now free to engage in more mundane projects such as pre- and postoperative evaluation and care of patients, perhaps as a check on the computer network.

The clinical anesthesiology residents have all gone home, and only the dedicated, research-oriented residents are hard at work in the departmental labs tackling the momentous task of providing the automation necessary for intubation and extubation so that the harassed clinical anesthesiologist can take a long-deserved rest or, perhaps, even attend a scientific meeting.

 


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