There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see.
This fall in San Francisco, it’s just the place to be.
With the largest program ever, it’s certain that you’ll find
A session that’s informative, to help expand your mind.

If a colleague has been drinking, and just will not behave,
Steve Jackson’s got a panel, that just may make you rave.
They will give us some suggestions, on how to intervene,
And offer some examples of exactly what they mean.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

With all the new advances in neurosurgery,
Many problems can be treated less invasively.
When it comes to treating seizures, or fixing a sore spine,
Come to Doctor Bhatia’s panel, and your patients will do fine!
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

When patients have heart problems, but must have surgery,
What testing is required, preoperatively?
Should we turn off their pacemaker, or beta blockers give?
Lee Fleisher’s panel gives us tips to help these patients live!
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

When an outcome’s not the greatest, and a patient tries to sue,
Our new malpractice panel, is just the one for you.
There will be a full discussion of the measures you can take,
To deal with legal problems; it’ll be a piece of cake.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

In many situations, when giving drugs I.V.,
It may be hard to figure out just what the dose should be.
Steve Shafer’s got a panel, on how drugs interact.
Come join us and you’re bound to learn what’s fiction and what’s fact.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

There’s a threat of terrorism, for which we must prepare.
Paul Barach’s new panel, will help to clear the air.
If anthrax is a-spreading, or even poison gas,
You’ll find the information that will help to save your face.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

When planning anesthesia for patients who are fat,
Our bariatric panel, will help you do just that.
We have a group of experts, which is led by Doctor Reed,
With the latest information, it’ll be just what you need!
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

For patients who are scheduled for bloody surgery,
Our goal must be to keep them as safe as they can be.
How low can the hematocrit be safely let to fall?
See Doctor Wagner’s panel, and you’ll understand it all!
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

We’re often treating patients, who suffer chronic pain.
How can we fix the problem of secondary gain?
Injecting medications for problems of the back.
Doc Benzon’s panel helps us get these patients back on track.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

If it seems to take forever for insurance to get paid,
Just ask our Doctor Hannenberg about the gains we’ve made.
This group will be discussing how risks can be reduced,
And make sure that we all get paid for what we have produced.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

If patients you are treating, with an antique gas machine,
James Eisenkraft’s new panel will set the record clean.
Is the new equipment better, or merely high in price?
These panelists are sure to give some well thought-out advice!
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

When a patient is in labor, and she’s just inhaled cocaine,
What can we safely give her, to help relieve the pain?
Can she have an epidural, or perhaps something I.V.?
James Dolak’s OB panel is the place you’ll want to be.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

If you want some hands-on practice for cardiac echo.
We have two different workshops, to which you’ll want to go.
One will deal with patients having surgery of the heart.
The other covers cases where they cut some other part.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

Alan Schwartz has a new workshop on advanced life support,
If you follow the instructions, they’ll keep you out of court!
With lots of practice dummies, to help increase your skill,
What you learn will help you treat those patients who fall ill.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

When anesthetizing patients for surgery of the eye,
Marc Feldman’s workshop covers all of the how and why.
You will learn the complications of retrobulbar blocks,
And how to keep these patients still despite their fussy docs.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

If you’re taking care of kiddies, with difficult airways,
You might get into trouble, on one of these fine days.
Doctor Riazi’s workshop will demonstrate just how
To ventilate and intubate these patients here and now.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

For learning acupuncture, join Doctor Yuan-Chi Lin,
His workshop teaches how and where to stick those needles in!
Each time a patient’s suffering, from too much yang or yin,
The skills you learn will help you know just where you should begin.
There’s a panel or a workshop, that you have got to see…

We have only scratched the surface of the kinds of things you’ll see.
At a panel or a workshop in the year two-thousand three!
With more than 60 chances to help improve your mind,
Join a panel or a workshop, and you won’t be left behind.

Jeffrey B. Gross, M.D., is Professor of Anesthesiology and Pharmacology, University of Connecticut School of Medicine, Farmington, Connecticut.